a prayer for forgiveness

a crack

a shudder

a miasmic eruption of

molten lava.

the hatred i spewed

an explosion

soul-crushing guilt with

a prayer for forgiveness.

i knew

i was supposed to have a love far greater

than the one i knew i

owned

for you.

i understood that you were from a

different generation.

an immigrant who came by boat

conquered the seas for you

and your family to

seize life.

a far better one than that

which awaited you in greece.

but you grew cold

frozen

a shell encapsulating your heart;

manipulative,

compulsive

lying was your art.

a stump where

a branch was supposed to grow,

withered and rotting.

you spread misery like

a succubus who

feasts on souls

of the needy.

the desperation to love you,

i feel

comes from a place

which houses my moral sense,

a justice weighing my sins

my actions and

inactions

with the prospect of my salvation.

i’ve come to learn that

it’s just who you are.

molten lava crawls

around you. it cannot touch

you.

but you are melting,

understanding how much you depend

on the daughter, you stabbed in

the back

again and

again.

till there was nothing but a woman

weighed down by the knives

puncturing her skin

staining

contaminating her love

for you. the mother

who didn’t know how

to love her own children.

– yiayia, thelis diporta na fas? 

(grandmother, do you want anything to eat?)

 

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