she comes in waves

she comes in waves.

there’s never a warning,

it’s always a surprise.

unable to breathe

left wanting,

in need of

air –

gasping.

tired eyes clenched tight –

it’ll pass soon.

in the meantime,

i’m left

drowning,

waiting.

like someone sitting

on my chest

a heaviness

i can’t catch my breath.

it’s a dizziness,

a brightness,

a constant motion,

unable to be still.

a malignancy

rotting me

from the inside out.

although she comes in waves,

it’s an unstoppable force

and i need to breathe.