the impermanence of your permanence.

it’s easier to say

that you’re dead,

instead of just,

you left

and never looked back.

how ironic that

the prospect of your death

would be easier to handle

than watching you walk away so casually,

(a voluntary abandonment).

it’s easier to say that you’re dead

rather than remember

how my mother’s tears

created permanent indentations in

her skin. a permanent shroud of misery,

with skin turning to dust and

eyes clouded

blank.

i say you’re dead

because the knowledge that you live

and ignore the children you

created,

once loved and cherished,

tattooed permanently over your heart,

is the reason why my words come

from a place of pain

confusion

and betrayal.

a permanent scar on my heart.

– i still don’t understand. i don’t think i can ever forgive you, father.

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2 thoughts on “the impermanence of your permanence.

  1. So sad to read. you’ve obviously been brain washed or not wanting to know the truth. I know your father and this simply isn’t the case..some mothers can be venomous and poisonous and sadly the hatred and venom you write with ; is quite sad… I think you owe your father the time to “HEAR THE TRUTH”. If you want to talk to me.. happy to chat. But sad reading the hatred when you’re father didn’t abandon you you… EVER.. your mother is not truthful.. or you’re too naive to SEE THE TRUTH. And you’re brother…. sad… he’s a good man

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    1. I wrote this in 2014 and published it this year. This was how I felt. Do not ever tell me that my feelings are invalid. Separation is hard for any child/adult to go through – and what is your obsession with bringing my mother into this? You seem to forget that I am actually quite an intellectual woman and I saw everything with open eyes. But that doesn’t matter, Laura. The truth of the matter is that poetry is artistic interpretation of emotions. I wrote this in a pretty dark period of my life, and maybe I only view things from one perspective but at the time, it was my life. So for you to waste your time and write this comment, just proves to me that you and your ‘friends’ are still too busy talking about us than with living your life. And I know my brother is a good man, he is the best man and how he has grown up astounds me because he is incredible. And don’t talk about my mother, our relationship was baptised with blood, sweat and tears and I now understand her more than I ever have. And you obviously have no idea how to interpret poetry; I didn’t write with venom and hatred, it’s quite clearly pain and confusion. What I felt is not up for debate because that is what I felt. Considering how high my stats are from yesterday though, I’m guessing you showed everyone. Thanks – I know I’m a good writer. You’re welcome. Don’t ever comment ever again unless you know how to read poetry.

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